Vayeitzei

This week's parsha begins with Yaakov leaving Eretz Yisroel, running for his life from Eisav, to live with his uncle Lavan.  When he arrives, Lavan welcomes him and brings him into his home.  After working for Lavan for a bit, Lavan, always wanting to be "fair," asks Yaakov what he wants as payment for his service.  Yaakov answers, "I want to marry your youngest daughter, Rochel."  No problem!  Yaakov works seven years, prepares to marry Rochel, and in the end, Lavan pulls a fast one, and switches Leah in her place.  As a result, Lavan gets yet another seven years work from Yaakov to finally marry Rochel.  With this, the foundation of the nation of Israel is built.  After many more years of work and success, Yaakov sees clearly that Lavan is now openly hostile to him, and when commanded by Hashem, finally leaves without Lavan's permission.  After a several day chase, Lavan catches up to Yaakov, yells at him for leaving so quickly and suddenly, claims that everything that belongs to Yaakov really belongs to him, and then demands that Yaakov make a peace treaty with him, warning him not to be an aggressor in the future.

Let's think about this.  Because it sounds rather familiar.

It seems that Rav Moshe Sternbuch, one of the heads of the Eida HaChareidis (B'datz) in Yerushalyim has been warning people about upcoming events, even before Simchas Torah.  Nobody knew exactly what he was talking about, obviously, but it seems, that he had some feelings "in the cosmos" that we were unable to feel.

Shortly after Yom Kippur, he said, "We do not know what the coming year potentially has in store for us, and if we are not worried, that means that our emuna is deficient.  Every Jew must realize that any calamities in Eretz Yisroel, G-d forbid, will spread to the whole world eventually, and we have to increase our emuna so that we will have the strength to face any eventuality."

Right before Sukkos, at a bar mitzvah (it seems to have been recorded on video as well), he started speaking in a similar vein saying, "… People are very cold today.  It's very dangerous.  Especially this year, it's such an important year, when we don't know what's going to happen.  There could be all sorts of surprises.  We can be sure that many decisions are being made for us now … it's impossible to speak about the situation which we're in today …."

He said that we can only merit redemption when we come to the simple and absolute realization that "we have no one to rely on except our Father in Heaven."  This, he explained, is practically impossible to achieve if we fill our time with what's happening in the army, politics, news, etc., since in our mind, we begin to think that these are what will bring about our redemptions.  We should keep updated based on what we need to know, but more than that we should stay away from.  Rather, we need to use our time more appropriately, now more than ever.

I was giving thought to this last bit, over the following several days.  And I realized that whenever I think of Hamas, my hatred for them is nothing compared to the United Nations, WHO, or the Red Cross. When I hear anything about THEM, I cringe and curse their name.  But Hamas, the ones who planned and executed the actual slaughter?  My hatred for them is not as strong.  Strange, isn't it?

But, then after much thought I realized why.  Hamas is pretty straight forward.  If anything, you have to give them credit for that.  They have an official charter.  In it, is says, "Kill the Jews."  They have a motto, "Kill the Jews."  They teach their children, "Kill the Jews."  So, when it comes down to Hamas, what do you expect?  It's their job in the world to kill the Jews.

However, all these other third-parties that are involved … they officially are neutral, or worse, their job is to promote peace and equality.  Yet, when Arabs kills Arabs or Arabs kill Jews, the United Nations is silent.  Yet, when Jews kill Arabs as a result of Arabs killing Jews, wow!  A storm is brewed.  Their schools are used for weapon depots and to teach "Kill the Jews."  The Red Cross and WHO are similar.  For decades it's been known that terrorists use their hospitals and ambulances illegally, and they are silent.  Groups like Black Lives Matter openly celebrated the massacre of Simchas Torah, and all the women's rights groups?  Silent when Jewish women are being attacked, openly hostile when Palestinian women are being attacked (only by Jews.  If by fellow Arabs, they are silent).

It's mind-boggling!  But why is it mind-boggling?  Why does it bother us more when we hear from them then when we hear from Hamas?

And, while not making any moral equivalency, why do we get so upset with the upper levels of Israeli society? The government, the army?  Reports have been coming out of how lower-level soldiers were warning their superiors of things happening on the ground, before the attacks, and they were roundly ignored and told to "stop bothering us."  Even former generals have given their warnings, but knew that since the general staff is more focused on their own personal gains, nothing will come from such warnings.  Why do the Israeli people feel betrayed by those running the show, knowing that this was not simply a series of understandable mistakes, but rather a series of foolish and chutzpadik decisions?  Why do our stomachs churn more when we hear about these, then they do when we hear about Hamas?

Because deep down inside, we believe that all of these parties are ultimately responsible, or should be responsible, for our safety and peace.  And that's where the problem lies.

If we truly believed that the UN or the Red Cross was just as bad as Hamas, we wouldn't get so upset.  If we truly believed that our safety is not dependent on Israeli politicians and generals, we wouldn't get so upset.  But, we DO believe it in some way.  That's why we get so upset.

We have expectations, and they are not living up to those expectations.

Lavan started off nice to Yaakov.  However, slowly, but surely, he started turning against him.  He tried this trick and that trick to stunt Yaakov's growth, but Yaakov was successful, nonetheless.   In the end, Lavan accused Yaakov of aggression and demanded a peace treaty warning him against "further aggression."

Nothing is new in this world.  Today's Lavan is no different than yesterday's Lavan.  We cannot expect Lavan to save us from Lavan.  Only Hashem can save us from Lavan.  The more we internalize this idea, the more we are forced to acknowledge it, and more importantly, believe it.

Have a wonderful and meaningful Shabbos!

Every family in Israel received a monthly "child allowance" from the government for each child under eighteen.  Just yesterday we received a letter from the National Insurance Agency (probably the biggest crime organization in the country), telling us that we will not be receiving three month's worth, since three of my children have been out of the country for the past three months.

Looking at my children, I was wondering how they could not be in front of me.

But, if the National Insurance Agency says so … well … it must be true, no?

It turns out that they mistook the week and a half trip my wife and daughters took in the summer as a three-month journey.  So, what's the solution?  I went on to the website belonging to the Minister of the Interior to request papers showing when they left and came back.  It took a whole 2 minutes per child to request.  Then, I could send those papers over to National Insurance.

Now, why the brainiacs over there couldn't check in with their friends in Interior, is beyond my imagination (probably hoping I wouldn't fight it).

Things like this make me more and more libertarian.

Just a quick thought that came to me …

Every year when we reach this parsha … I don't know … but I always feel cold.  Yeah, chances are it's the weather, but there's something about reading the parsha that casts a darkness on the reader.

Here we have Yaakov.  He's on the run.  His brother wants to kill him.  His nephew robbed him of everything.  He had to leave his parents, leave Eretz Yisroel, and travel hundreds of kilometers to get to his uncle, who happens to be a swindler.  And remember, this is not Eisav, who is used to life on the run.  We're talking about somebody who the Torah describes as "who lives in the tents."  We're talking about somebody who spent his whole life in the yeshiva.  And now?  He's in a completely foreign environment, completely separated from any possible support.

No wonder I feel cold.

Yaakov is experiencing a personal exile.  Something his father and grandfather did not seem to have to go through.  They had their tests, for sure, but from what we have seen in the Torah, Yaakov, from this parsha on, seems to be taking hit after hit.

When the parsha begins, Yaakov has his famous "ladder" dream.  Realizing that he is standing on holy ground, and after receiving a promise from Hashem that He will be with him, Yaakov himself "pledges allegiance" and promises that he will continue following Hashem's way, come what might.

And despite everything Lavan did to him, all the trickery, and the years of work Yaakov gave him, we see that Yaakov not only returned to Eretz Yisroel, spiritually intact, but he came with a large family that follows in his way.

Perhaps this is why, out of all the forefathers, the name Yisroel (which Yaakov will be given next week), is the most mentioned on our lips.  Perhaps this is why the Torah gives us far more detail in his life than the lives of Avraham and Yitzchok.  Because what Yaakov went through mirrors very much what each individual Jew goes through in life.

And what was it that gave him the strength to continue spiritually?  He knew that whatever happened to him, wherever he was forced to go, it was because Hashem sent him there and followed him there.

How often have we come to a situation in life where we wonder "how did I get here?" and then wonder "how do I get out?"  It's very difficult in the midst of trouble to remember and internalize it, but the truth is: Hashem put you there and He put you there for a reason.  What that reason is?  Sometimes we find out, sometimes we don't.  That's what makes things so difficult.

However, just as Yaakov received a promise before he went into his personal exile, we too have our promise.  The Torah is full of reminders of "I will be with you."

And this is the key to survival:

"Remember, I am with you: I will protect you wherever you go and will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

Wherever we go, whatever we go through, however alone we are, if we can somehow keep this promise in mind, that will alleviate a lot of the suffering.

Just as a patient feels better knowing why the painful treatments are necessary, even though he doesn't know all the details; so does a person feel better knowing that that the painful trials and tribulations of life are necessary, even through he doesn't know all the details.

With that, I leave you all with a nice, warm, trial-free Shabbos.

The government introduced a new tax this past week.  It's a tax on disposable dishes/cutlery.  I'm not sure how much, but it's enough to get people to think twice about buying it.  They did a similar thing a few years ago with plastic bags at stores.  The extra 10 agarot per bag changed how people would take and use plastic bags.

Thankfully, we have always used it sparingly, so it doesn't affect our lives too much.  However, there are families, especially larger ones, that use disposables all the time, both during the week and on Shabbos.  They don't even own any dishes!  So, they are either going to have to pay more (which was pretty expensive before the new tax) or learn to make a change in lifestyle.

We have friends who chose to make a change in lifestyle.  They have seven kids and used to take out the garbage every day.  Last week, they took it out only once.

While I'm certainly not a bleeding-heart, tree-hugging environmentalist, there still is a concept of taking care of the things Hashem gives you.  Hopefully, we will see some good in this.

Rav Shimshon Pincus noted something that I never noticed before.

As mentioned last week, Yaakov was described as a "man who dwelled in the tents" while Eisav was described as "a man of the field."  Yet, what happened to Yaakov when he received the brachos at the end of last week's parsha (which continued into this week's parsha)?  He immediately goes into exile, begins anew with no possessions, and is forced to be "a man of the field" for several decades.  And even after he returns with a full family, he continues to have trials and tribulations for the rest of his life, moving from one place to another, dealing with his children, dealing with his brother, etc. For a man who is described as "a man who dwelled in the tents," he's not doing a lot of "dwelling."  In fact, he seems to be taking on Eisav's description more and more (albeit, not in the negative way).

So, what exactly is going on here?

Originally, there were to be four forefathers: Avraham, Yitzchok, Yaakov, and Eisav.  Yaakov was to be the one to live a life of "purity," "in the tents," and raising his spiritual level by growing in learning and mitzvos. Eisav, on the other hand, was to grow spiritually by fighting his natural inclinations.  He was a "man of the field," whose sole job was to grow by fighting the negative forces working against him.  It was certainly a much more difficult job, however, it was also a much more rewarding job.  Yaakov was to grow by pushing himself upwards spiritually, while not having to worry about the physical, and Eisav was to grow by pushing himself upwards by fighting the physical forces that were attempting to drag him down.

However, Eisav was not interested in that.  We see that he was more than happy to rid himself of his brachos in order to stay out of the fight.

The second Yaakov received Eisav's brachos from Yitzchok, he needed to earn them.  He was not just carrying his mission, but now had to complete Eisav's original mission as well.  With that, he was forced to fight negative and/or physical influences as well.

That is why you will rarely, if ever, find a person sitting and learning without worries that pertain to this world.  That's because that is not the job of a Jew in this world.  Like Yaakov, we all have to complete Yaakov and Eisav's missions.  We need to stay away from evil (Eisav) and grow in Torah and mitzvos (Yaakov).

When we are dealing with "the field," whether it be with work, the government, day-to-day issues, etc., we are fighting Eisav's fight; we need to work to stay away from evil and give in to temptations to do wrong.  When we are "in the tents," whether it be at home, at shul, on Shabbos or Yom Tov, we are fighting Yaakov's fight; we are focusing on growing upwards, rather than fighting negative forces.

Fighting on two fronts is a difficult war to wage.  However, it is the war that every Jew needs to fight at all times in his life.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

My wife and I were talking over lunch the other day, and somehow (don’t ask) professional wrestling came up (I told you not to ask).  I was reminiscing over the famous match between Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant in Wrestle Mania III.  I tried to depict the emotion of all the viewers as Hulk Hogan lifted Andre the Giant into the air (a feat not possible by a mere human) and body slammed him, bringing Hulk Hogan the much-deserved victory.  My wife could not believe that any man could possibly remember such “foolishness”.  Being that I was not sure which Wrestle Mania it was, I quickly called my friend Uri (of course), who confirmed that it WAS Wrestle Mania III.  He then got all nostalgic and told me exactly which friends came over to watch the match on Pay Per View and who else was wrestling.  My wife, the cultural oaf, could not believe what she was hearing, “How could ANYBODY enjoy talking about two men, with greased up bodies, rolling around on the ground together in THEIR UNDERWEAR!!!??”

I must be honest.  When the question is put in that wording, it IS rather difficult to give a good answer.

But that’s because she’s a woman, and simply cannot understand.

This week’s parsha is a rather … dark parsha.  I don’t know why; I just feel this darkness.  Yaakov is forced into exile.  He has nothing to support him.  He arrives at his uncle’s home in tatters and begins to rebuild his life amoungst the “thief of thieves”.  You see clearly that he is working hard under difficult circumstances.

However, throughout the many years of work and living away from his spiritual and physical support system, Yaakov came out of it whole.  He not only remained “frum”, but he also grew from the experience.

I take 15 minutes a day to learn a little “Kuntres Chovat HaTalmidim” by Rav Kalonymus Shapira, the Rebbe of Piaseczno, otherwise known as the “Warsaw Ghetto Rebbe”.  He wrote:

“Both haughty and weak-willed students, both students who are stubborn and rebellious and those who are falsely humble, will come to the same end… we cannot hope to see any benefit emerge from any of them – not even one small ray of light.  They deceive themselves in darkness, they will degenerate together in gloom and darkness…

“What they are missing is the Jewish sense of the worth, the “I”. This is their illness…Because of this their whole self has been broken and trampled on.  They are like a ship without a captain, which is tossed in the waves by every gale, and in the end sinks to the bottom of the sea.  So too every evil wind in the world affects their course, as if they were drifting and directionless, and every plague and disease in the world infects them.  If the foolish spirit of sin, haughtiness, arrogance, or hatred of the holy should pass through the world, they are broken by its force”

It's a very powerful statement.  I could not help to think of some of the baalei tshuva that I have met in life, who took their individual strengths, whether in speaking, in art, in music, etc… and stuffed it away in some corner, in order to be a “replica” of whichever frum circle they wish to become part of, thinking that that is the “frum” thing to do, and only through that, would they be fully accepted.

In the end, these people suffer greatly.  They have no “I”.  They have no self-confidence, because they became used to never standing up (not in rebellion, of course) and using their G-d given talents for good.  Instead of focusing on serving Hashem, their lives revolve around fitting in. And, I’ve seen this many times: whatever nonsense is blowing in the winds of their particular community, or in the world at large,  they fall prey to is as well, without any thought.  And worse, without wanting to think.

Yaakov was not like that.  His mission in life was not to simply fit in.  HE had a mission.  HE had a goal.  HE had his individual strengths that he was going to use to achieve that goal.  And even though he lived in exile, surrounded by dishonest people, he overcame and persevered.

Jewish life is certainly communal.  It’s supposed to be.  And each community has their standards that need to be kept.  But one thing that many learned (or were supposed to learn) over this past year, is that there is an obligation of the “I”.  That each person needs to be focused on THEIR goals and to acknowledge and use THEIR individuality.  If we consider ourselves nothing by cogs in “the machine”, it is inevitable that we will simply rust away.  But, if we know what we want in our lives and use our “I” to accomplish it, we will have endless growth.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

Last week, I attended a wedding of an 83-year-old man and his 73 -year-old bride.  I’ve known this man for a few years now.  He’s Russian, with one child who’s intermarried, and lives in Germany.  He was a "proud Communist" throughout his life, but has becoming more religious over the years, realizing where he went wrong.  He doesn’t speak a word of English and his Hebrew isn’t the greatest, but we understand each other well enough.  His wife passed away two years ago, and he has suffered terribly from it.  One of the members of the kollel, the unofficial Rabbi of a group of elderly Russian men, pushed him to marry his wife’s sister, who is completely religious, since he already knew her, and she herself was a widow.  Thankfully, he agreed, and they were married in the shul.

I’m friends with this kollel member and he told me that when the bride was a little girl, her father made a joke about the government.  It landed him a 25-year sentence in Siberia, and her mother was no longer able to find work since her husband was officially labeled a traitor.  Thankfully, Stalin died five years later, and he was released.

When people, especially now in America, complain about certain presidents or government officials being terrible and like Stalin or Hitler, it’s good to have a reminder that said people have no clue what they are talking about.

Anyhow, this past Shabbos, I walked out of shul with this kollel member and watched the "young couple" walk down the stairs, supporting themselves so they don’t trip.  He, rightfully, took a  lot of pride in his "young" student.

I’ve uploaded part of the chuppah.  It’s in Hebrew (and Russian), but it’s nice to see, even if you don’t understand: https://www.sendbigfiles.com/ac6acb76/

Throughout life, there are days and there are nights.  There are times when it’s full of light, and one can see the beauty of life around them, and there are times when it’s dark, and one has no understanding of where they are going.  Both are an integral part of life, and life cannot go on without both.  I just heard from Rav Yaakov Leonard that we see hints to this in the fact that we say Shema both during the day and at night.  And the brachos after both of them, reflect the "mission" of that time.

In the morning, we say, “True and certain . . . established and enduring, fair and faithful, beloved and cherished, delightful and pleasant . . . .”  Here, in the morning, everything is light.  All the beauty of Hashem’s world and how it’s run is clear to all.

Yet, at night we say, “True and faithful is all this, and it is firmly established for us that He is Hashem our G-d, and there is none but Him . . . .”  Night, the time in our lives when we cannot see the “hand of Hashem,” is the time of “true and faithful.”

What is faith?  Many religions around the world say it’s the same as “blind faith.”  “We know that so-and-so is a god, why?  We have faith!”  For us, faith is different.  Faith is used specifically in the time of darkness.  Faith is taking what we know, what we see during the day as “true and certain,” and holding on to that during the period of darkness, hence we say at night, “True and faithful is all this, and it is firmly established for us that He is Hashem . . . .”

We learn (Talmud Brachos), that Yaakov established maariv, the evening prayers.  While his father and grandfather, lived comfortably in Eretz Yisroel, were wealthy, and made treaties with kings, Yaakov’s life was much different.  He grew up with Eisav; Eisav tried to kill him; he had to flee to outside of Eretz Yisroel without a thing and live with Lavan who did everything to steal from him.  From there, he returned to Israel, had to battle with Eisav, had the episode with Dina, followed by the loss of Rochel, and then the loss of Yosef, only to be brought down to Egypt.  Yaakov lived his life in the night.  Yet, when we speak of the Jewish nation, we use terms like, “The nation of Israel,” and “The Children of Yaakov.”  We use Yaakov’s two names to describe us, not that of Avraham or Yitzchok, because while they taught us how to live in the day, Yaakov taught us how to live in the night.  Whether it be the night of exile, or the periods of darkness that we live through in our lives.

In the end, he held on tightly to his faith by remembering the “day” when things were clear, and in the end, he persevered. 

Rav Yaakov Meir Shechter , one of the leading figures of the Breslov community in Yerushaliyim, wrote, regarding the times of darkness:

“We need to know how to act in these times, to pass through them peacefully and derive from them their full benefits.  The best advice is to perform simple acts of goodness with honesty and sincerity: reciting a chapter of Tehillim, for instance, or studying Torah on a lower level than usual, according to one’s ability at the moment, or doing acts of kindness as one encounters them.  The principle is: if you cannot do what is required of you, do what you can.  Often, that little bit of good a person does will immediately lift him back to his proper place, and he can again serve G-d with all his strength.  Even in the worst of times, one can still refrain from committing improper action, and this alone will yield great benefits.” 

With that, I wish you all a great Shabbos!

Michael Winner

Who wants to hear something scary?  Last Friday, my oldest daughter turned Bas Mitzvah.  How strange is that?  A few hours before she officially turned twelve, I tried to get her to do a few last minute sins: ”I know you really want to hit me . . . come on . . . do it!  If you do it now, you can get away with it, but in a few hours . . . . Or how about a cheeseburger . . . you want to eat a yummy cheeseburger?”  To which she responded, “What’s a cheeseburger?”

Israelis.

Rav Gedalia Schorr writes that Yaakov had to go through four troubled periods in his life: The long-term episode with Eisav, the time he spent in exile with Lavan, the episode with Dina, and losing Yosef for so many years.  Each one of these corresponds to one of the exiles that the Jewish nation has endured.

In this week’s parsha, we learn about the episode with Dina, who was taken by force by Shechem, who fell in love with her, and wished to marry her.  When he and his father went to receive permission from Yaakov to marry her (they obviously didn’t get the “get her father’s permission first” bit), Yaakov remained silent.  When Dina’s brothers learned of what happened, they were angered greatly.  They informed Shechem and his father that there is no way they can allow a marriage to take place with people who do not have a bris.  If they want to marry Dina and others, they, and their entire town will have to get a bris, to which they agreed!  On the third day, when everybody was in pain, Shimon and Levi went in, and killed every man.  Upon hearing this, Yaakov became angry about what Shimon and Levi did, reminding them that they are but a small "nation" and can easily be wiped out by the Cannanim.  To this, Simon and Levi responded, “Should our sister be treated like a harlot?”

According to Rav Schorr, this episode corresponds to the Greek Exile and Chanukkah.  Unlike the other exiles, this one took place completely in Eretz Yisroel.  And just like Chanukkah, this episode ended with the creation of an altar.  There are other similarities.  The Greeks loved culture and knowledge.  The Torah refers to Yavan (Greece) as beauty, because, there is a certain beauty about them.  Today’s Western Civilization is built on Greek thinking (much more than Christian-Judeo beliefs).  The Greeks were like The Borg (ten points to all nerds who understood that), who loved to learn about others and incorporate their philosophies into one.

Shechem and his father were not out to kill Yaakov.  The opposite.  We see that Shechem fell in love with Yaakov’s daughter.  They even went further and announced that they wish to marry into Yaakov’s family to create one nation.  They and the Greeks, unlike most of our enemies, were not out to physically kill off the Jewish nation.  They truly wished to take the best of both cultures and bring them together.

However, there is another similarity between Shechem and Greece.  The Greeks made a nice law that ravaged the Jewish nation.  Any woman who planned to get married had to be together with the local Greek official.  Like Shechem, there was an attempt to destroy the kedusha (holiness) of the Jewish people.  Take first, marry later.

There are many questions and answers to the entire episode.  Why was Yaakov silent when he first heard of what happened to Dina.  Why was he silent when his sons were tricking Shechem?  And why did he speak up and complain against Shimon and Levi after they killed everybody?

We don’t have time to go into everything in depth.  However, Rav Yaakov Kaminetsky writes that Yaakov was under the impression that Shimon and Levi were planning on going in on the third day, and rescuing Dina.  He was not expecting them to kill off Shechem and his people.  As he said, he was worried about what would be if the Cannanim were to attack to avenge Shechem.  To this, Shimon and Levi responded, “Should our sister be treated like a harlot?”  And what did Yaakov respond?  He was silent.  Rav Kaminetsky says that we can see that Yaakov came to agree in the end.  When it comes to the purity of the Jewish people, one MUST take a stand, no matter what the odds.

Rav Yaakov Leonard brings two proofs to side with this.

At the end of his life, Yaakov gave all of his children brachos.  To Shimon and Levi, he gives them a bit of harshness, and says that they should be kept separate from each other, spread out throughout the nation, serving as teachers and judges.  Rashi has two explanations.  One of them, he says, is that Yaakov was reminding them that this characteristic that they have could be dangerous if not used properly.  However, it is still a vital characteristic to have.  And that is why they are to be the teachers of the Jewish nation.

Another proof, comes from the Midrash, where Yehudis, the daughter of Mattisyahu HaKohen, announces that she plans on getting married.  Right before being taken away to the Greek official, she gives a stirring speech , telling the Jewish people that they need to learn from Shimon and Levi “the brothers of Dina."

There is a time for peace and a time for war.

It’s not up to us, thankfully, to determine when is the time for what.  That is why we have people bigger than we are to make such decisions.  However, there are times, like Chanukkah, when our spiritual center is being attacked.  And during those times, as politically incorrect as it is, sometimes, one must stand up and take a stand.  Had we been living during the times of Chanukkah, most of us would have probably gone against the Maccabees, “Why do they need to rock the boat?  Why do they need to be SOOO Ultra-Orthodox?  Why can’t they just let things go?”  An honest conversation with oneself will help a person determine his position.  However, Chanukkah is a time when we don’t say such things.  We stand up and we say, “Until here and no further!”

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

Michael Winner

My two year old is a funny guy.  Very intelligent, very cute.  We know it and he knows it.  We all knew that he can understand Hebrew and English, and is speaking both with his limited male ability.  However, we didn’t know that he knew Arabic.

Last week, we had an Arab worker over to fix something.  My son walks in, sees him, and starts speaking to him in gibberish.  Not a Hebrew or English gibberish, but an Arabic gibberish.  We’ve never hear him speak in such a guttural way.  He was even waving his arms around, and I heard "yallah!" a few times.  A few days later, my other son gets on a small bus, and the driver was a Druze, my youngest starts conversing with him . . . in “Arabic”!  It’s the strangest thing to see.

Okay, on to Torah!

This dvar Torah is dedicated to Sara bas Karmel that she should have a speedy recovery.

I’ve always found this week’s parsha to be very cold.  Perhaps, because the temperature always drops during this season and the nights are very long.  However, it really comes from the fact that we see Yaakov begin and end his long exile from his parents and Eretz Yisroel.  He lives with and works for Lavan, marries his two daughters, begins a family, and begins to build his own livelihood.

There are two things Yaakov is most commonly known for: Truth and Learning Torah.  Both of those things are major issues that he has to fight on, not only with his brother Eisav, but also with Lavan.  Throughout his stay with Lavan, Lavan tried to cheat him left, right, and center, and yet Yaakov had to maintain his level of Truth.  Yaakov also testified on himself how hard he had to physically work with the herds in the summer heat and the winter cold.  Yet, he obviously maintained his level of Torah observance and learning.

One of the main differences between Yaakov and Eisav is how they spent their early years.  Yaakov spent his time “in tents” learning Torah, and Eisav was out “in the field."  Both were the same age, of the same family, and given the same opportunities.  Yet, both chose different routes.  And both ended in different places.

I thought about this whole issue, and I had a thought, I wanted to share.

Yaakov was able to survive Lavan, spiritually speaking, since he used his childhood time properly.  Had Eisav been put in the same situation, well, we saw what happened to him without Lavan’s help, we could imagine how much worse he would have come out.

I’ve seen such a thing many times.  When a member of the kollel uses his time properly during those years, he finds it easier to maintain his standards when he joins the work force.  Perhaps, "easier" is not the right word; maybe he has more self-determination.  However, when a person wastes his time in kollel and he doesn’t grow, he tends to go downhill from there when he leaves.

This is only an example that we can apply in our lives.  Throughout our lives, we have “kollel years” (which could last years, days, hours, or even minutes), during which we are given some extra time and power to do something special.   During these times, we have a choice on how to use it.  We could be like Eisav, and simply continue on with life as we want to.  Or we could be like Yaakov, and take the opportunity to strengthen ourselves.

When we take that opportunity that Hashem is giving us, we are not only strengthening ourselves for the present, but we are also fortifying ourselves for the future when things are working against us.

Perhaps this is a lesson we can learn from this week’s parsha.  Use the time and strengths that we are given to maximize our potential, and even if we don’t see the payoff now, it will help us in the future.

Have a great Shabbos!

Michael Winner

Three weeks ago, we started a new custom that will hopefully last during the winter months. We told the kids that if, after Shabbos ends, they help clean up and do it quickly, then they can participate in a Malave Malka (a meal held after Shabbos in honor of the departure of Shabbos). Now, we can’t actually have a meal. Our stomachs are not up for it, and my wife and I need to start work. However, we do something special. I sit down with the kids at the table, and sing special songs for after Shabbos, and my wife makes everybody “smoothies.” We have a few cookies each as well, but the important part is, everybody is together, bringing out Shabbos properly.

Just last week, I started a similar approach to Shabbos night. We hold off on the singing until the end of the meal, and make the meal a little quicker. Afterwards, we clear the table and have dessert with a special drink and popcorn, along with the singing.

So far it’s working out very well.

It’s important that each family finds a way of keeping the kids involved in the Shabbos table, without having to force it on them.

Okay, on to Torah!
“So says Hashem, who redeemed Avraham, to the House of Yaakov” (Isaiah 29:22)

The Gemara (Sanhedrin 19b) explains that it was Yaakov who redeemed Avraham. Rebbe Yehudah explained that he redeemed Avraham by freeing him from the burden of bringing up a big family. While Avraham had two children, Yaakov had twelve (along with four wives). With more “free” time, Avraham was able to travel and spread the concept of Hashem in the world.

Yaakov, on the other hand, we see was very involved, for 20 years, in raising a family and earning a livelihood. In fact, in this week’s parsha ,we see very little spirituality that Yaakov was engaged in. However, Rav Avigdor Miller explains, if we look a little more closely, we will see something interesting.

Yaakov encountered angels on three occasions. The first (28:12), Yaakov saw them in a dream. Twenty years later, he actually saw them (32:2), and in next week’s parsha, Yaakov has physical contact with one. So, obviously, during this time, Yaakov’s spiritual level increased dramatically.

During the twenty years Yaakov lived with the swindler Lavan, he raised a family from scratch, and worked hard raising Lavan’s and later his own, herds. Unlike Avraham, who acquired his riches through gifts (and I think he had some from his family), and unlike Yitzchok who inherited everything from Avraham, Yaakov started out with literally nothing. As he testified to Lavan, he was scorched by the sun, he was bitten by the frost, and he did not close his eyes to sleep (31:40). He was VERY involved in physical pursuits. But despite that, and despite the energy it took for him to raise such a family, he continued to thrive spiritually.

Each individual is given his tailor-made difficulties in life. But each of those difficulties was not made to keep him down, but rather to challenge him and push him to grow.

We also learn that spiritual growth does not happen in just the beis medresh. It happens in every aspect in life. I recently saw Rav Pincus write that when a kollel member has to take off time to take his sick child to the doctor, he might mistakenly think that he is wasting his time from growth to do something he needs to do (take care of his child). But, the truth is just the opposite. True, he is not in the kollel as he usually is, but at this moment he is “partnering up” with Hashem in taking care of his sick child. Similarly, when a person goes out to work, it’s not a matter of “taking off time” from being holy. It’s the opposite! He is (hopefully) BEING holy, by partnering up with Hashem in providing income to his family!

Every aspect of our lives, even the tougher times, are an opportunity for us to make a partnership with Hashem, and spiritualize the physical world.

Have a great Shabbos!

Michael Winner

They teach English in the girls school over here, and since the beginning of the year, my daughter’s class has had a substitute for the main teacher who was on maternity leave. Timing it perfectly, the substitute went into labor the day before the regular teacher was to return. What’s the difference between the two teachers? The substitute, whose parents are American, speaks English; the main teacher, whose parents are certainly not, doesn’t. J

According to my daughter though, while she doesn’t really SPEAK English, she does know how to TEACH it. I’ve learned to stop asking questions such as “How?” a long time ago.

When my wife was speaking to the teacher one day on the street, the teacher switched to English and said, “Eet eeze funny how I am her teacher, yes?”

Not like my daughter’s English is any better . . . I wonder how long until we’ll have to switch to Hebrew in the house. J

Okay, on to Torah!
“Heat consumed me . . . Yet you changed my wages ten times“ (Bereishis 21:40-41)

After many years of working under Lavan, Yaakov finally leaves with his family and his belongings to return to Eretz Yisroel. He fled, without telling Lavan, and Lavan, when hearing about it, chased after him. When he finally caught up to Yaakov, an argument arose in which Yaakov testified about himself that despite the fact that Lavan was constantly trying to cheat him, he still did his work faithfully.

Rav Shach learns a very important lesson here. When a person is given a charge to do, he must do it to his fullest abilities, despite whatever wrongs he believes are being committed against him; even if he has an argument with another person, he must do his best not to cause the other any harm, financially or physically.

I was recently discussing an issue regarding this point with a friend of mine. He told me that he saw a responsa by Rav Moshe Feinstein concerning teachers who went on strike until certain demands are met. Rav Feinstein said that even if their claims are legitimate, teachers’ striking is not a Jewish response.

While Yaakov cared for his uncle’s flocks all the while his uncle was trying to trick him, so too do these teachers have to care for their “flocks” while they argue with the administration.

Either way, when we are being paid for work, even if we have legitimate claims against our employers, we need to be very careful to continue to do our jobs properly and not cause others any harm.

(And of course, always ask a Rav on what you should do.)

Have a great Shabbos!

Michael Winner
mwinner@frum.org

My wife’s friend went to Har Nof to one of the homes that were sitting shivah from the killings last week. She said it was surreal to see one street full of people walking and openly crying. Four families lost fathers and husbands, leaving around 20-30 orphans all together. What caught her attention at the home was a women, clearly not Ultra-Orthodox, with her little children. She was watching them, wondering who she was and why did she bring her children to this shivah house. Finally, the woman got to the front and said to the widow, “My name is so-and-so… we just got up from shivah ourselves yesterday… our daughter was the one who was stabbed to death by an Arab terrorist last week…. We’re now sisters in blood”. At that point, the whole room erupted in another round of tears.
My wife made a good point the other day. If there was a shooting in a church somewhere in Russia… “Okay… fine… it’s sad…” would be the reaction of the world. However, when four Jews are killed in a shul… the entire Jewish, especially the frum community, feels the pain.

This past week, Rav Barcley from Neve Yaakov spoke about the tragedy. He spoke briefly, but very powerfully on what we can learn from the murders.

In this week’s and last week’s parsha, along with Parshas Lech Lecha, we see that Sarah, Rivkah, and Rochel were all barren. Rabbeinu Bechaya questions one of the opening pesukim in last week’s parsha. It says, “His wife was barren, and Yitzchok pleaded with G-d for her sake”. If anything, says Rabbeinu Bechaya, it should say, “Yitzchok pleaded with G-d for her sake, because his wife was barren”. The wording of the Torah makes it sound like that the tefillah of Yitzchok was the main issue (hence mentioned last) and Rivkah being barren was a secondary thing. Rabbeinu Bechaya explains that this in fact is the truth. Hashem desires our tefillos (prayers) and in order to “squeeze” them out of us, he sends “issues” into this world. Hashem desired that Yitzchok and Rivkah daven properly, therefore Rivkah was barren. Being barren wasn’t the main point and the tefillos simply helped; rather the tefillos were the main point, and being barren was merely a way to get it out. He brings in further proofs from the parsha, but we learn from this incident, that 1) Hashem desires our tefillos and sends us ‘issues’ to get them 2) Our tefillos have the ability to change nature itself 3) Our tefillos have the ability to change Hashem’s “cruelty” to that of kindness.

Rav Barcley continued and brought in Pirkei D’Rabbeinu Eliezer (32:1) which states that there were six people who received their names from Hashem before they were born. One of them is Yishmoel (the father of the Arabs). The generally accepted view is that his name comes from “Yismah Kel”, “Hashem heard”, as in Hashem heard the cry of his mother when she fled from Sarah, “for G-d has heard your prayer” (Bereishis 16:11). However, Pirkei D’Rabbeinu Eliezer says that “Yishmah Kel” is in the future tense, and he writes, “Why is he called Yishmoel? For in the future Hashem will hear the groaning of [His] nation, because of what Yishmoel will do to them in Eretz Yisroel, near the end of days”

Do I need to repeat that last line? Okay…

“For in the future Hashem will hear the groaning of [His] nation, because of what Yishmoel will do to them in Eretz Yisroel, near the end of days”

There’s no need to elaborate on this really. But it’s clear that Yishmoel is going to torment the Jewish nation, which will cause us to cry to Hashem. Couple that with what we learned above from Rabbeinu Bechaya, we see that (one reason) Hashem is sending Yishmoel is in order to “squeeze out” our tefillos, which is the lifeline between us and Hashem. Being so, if we daven BEFORE, perhaps we will not need to go through such suffering at his hands.

And finally Rav Barcley asks, “Why specifically Yishmoel? There are plenty of other nations out there!” He answers that it’s because Yishmoel is a nation which is strong in tefillah. They daven five times a day, starting before dawn. They daven in public with no embarrassment. They daven to Hashem (who also hears their prayers). So, now we have Yishmoel and his power of tefillah, going into a place of tefillah, and overtaking Jews known for their tefillos.

I think “the writing is on the wall”, and most of us have ignored it and unfortunately, will continue to ignore it.

There are two ways one must improve his or her tefillos. All of us have plenty of room to improve one’s concentration. By either taking some time to properly learn about the tefillos or slowing down to make sure one understands what he is saying, etc… there are plenty of ways to improve and it’s a lifetime of work. Again, all of us need to work on it.

MOST (not all, thankfully) need to work on something even more basic. COMING ON TIME. You CANNOT work on concentration and meaning of the tefillos, if you do not come on time. The Mishnah Berurah states, that one should come early to shul to be able to say all of one’s davening with proper intentions and concentration. That INCLUDES Pesukei D’Zimrah.

Unfortunately, most shuls suffer from this issue. You can have a full room at the time of “Baruch Hu” (end of Pesukei D’Zimrah), and a near empty-room at the beginning of davening.

Simply put: There is no reason that a person should regularly be late to davening!

Davening is our “lifeline” to Hashem, our direct line of communication. But showing up late on a regular basis, you are throwing that lifeline away. And THEN, you are “forcing” Hashem to “force” us to daven properly.

It’s an embarrassment that we should ignore such obvious warnings and refuse to improve on such an important issue, and then, when G-d forbid, there is another incident, cry out “WHY?” What right do we have to cry out “WHY?” when we refuse to learn from the past?

Whether women have an obligation to kick their husbands out of the house on time, I don’t know, and probably not, for the sake of peace in the house. However, they are certainly obligated to refrain from keeping them home or making them late (without good cause). Additionally, while there is a mix of opinions concerning women and their obligations to daven, there is no question that it is a worthwhile thing for a woman (especially in these times) to do, even if it’s only the minimal amount.

For men, if Pesukei D’Zimrah starts at 6:30 am at shul, they are OBLIGATED to show up early so they have time to put on their tallis and tefillin, and say brachos properly. Personally, I recommend 10-15 minutes early for most people. To show up late on a regular basis, is not only insulting to Hashem, and not only disturbs and weakens the minyan, but it also can cause great tragedy for the Jewish people.

Something so important and so central to the Jewish nation cannot be brushed off as easily as it has been in the past. We’ve seen that Hashem sends Yishmoel to teach us to daven. We see that the terrorism and troubles in Eretz Yisroel are directly related to our lack of tefillos. If we work on our davening first, then perhaps Jewish lives could be saved in the future.

I wish you all a great Shabbos.

Well, we now have a police record!

We knew that if you’re religious living in this city, chances are you’ll be visited by the police at least once. Why? Well, in our case, like many others, we had a crying child. Simcha, age one, is just getting over a bout of pneumonia and was crying for twenty minutes. One of the neighbors, who lives behind us, and has made it clear to my wife that she doesn’t like us (we’re religious), decided to call the police on us, since Simcha was crying.

Yeah… believe it or not.

They came, they saw that Simcha was clearly not well and everything was in order, wished him well and then proceeded to take my wife’s name and ID number for the record.

Yep. Your sick, crying child will get you a police record. Get called on several times, and YOU risk getting fined.

Nearly everybody in the religious community here has a record now. Why these same people have no problem when other neighbors have rave parties ‘til the wee hours of the morning, is beyond me. Oh well…

On to Torah!
“This twenty years I have been with you, your ewes and goats did not miscarry” (Bereishis 31:38)

At the end of the Guide to the Perplexed, the Rambam explains that anytime Avraham, Yitzchok, and Yaakov were involved with their material needs, their minds were focused on their spiritual needs. This would help explain how they merited blessings of success.

One Thursday night, years ago, there was some tumult within the religious community that demanded Rav Schach’s opinion to be stated that evening. However, every Thursday afternoon Rav Schach would travel from Bnei Brak to Ashdod to give over a lecture. As usual, after the lecture he stayed a bit longer to clarify any matters and to answer any questions. Afterwards, he got into the taxi and returned to Bnei Brak. Everybody knew what was probably going through his mind on the trip back, given that he needed to take a stand on this issue when he got back.

The next morning he walked into the beis medrash and shared with his students an insight he had on the laws of mezuzah. He just happened to mention that it was something that he was thinking about throughout the trip back to Bnei Brak.

This is how we are to live our lives. Whatever issues we have to take care of in the world, we need to take care of. Whatever energy we need to put in, we should put in. But DON’T FRESS OVER THINGS. Once we did our hishtadlus, our effort, then it’s not worth brewing over, and we should turn our attention to more important things: our spiritual lives.

Have a great Shabbos!

My wife heard a good one? What’s does “cease-fire” mean to Hamas? You cease. We fire.

During such operations, Israeli cities become ghost towns. My wife spoke to a friend living in Ofakim. They had sirens and explosions every 30 minutes. Her mother’s home in Jerusalem was already full from family from Ashdod, so this friend went to Yeruchem instead, citing how Ofakim and Ashdod were clearing out. Up here, in Rochel Leah’s and Chaim’s classes, additional children from the south joined the school for a few days.

After Shabbos last week, I discussed the war with my family, since it was the number one thing the children were discussing in school. We explained the situation and discussed what to do if we were ever to hear the sirens going off up here. Where to go to if you’re in the house, where you go if you are in the street, etc… Then said Tehillim and went to bed, after another schmooze about emunah and how Hashem is always looking over us. Obviously, they’re afraid about things happening, since they now know other children who have witnessed it first hand, but at the same time, it’s a reality they have to live with.

Okay, on to Torah!
“And Rochel aw that she was not bearing any children to Yaakov, and Rochel envied her sister” (Bereishis 30:1)

I read that Rav Shmuel Pliskin, would often say, “’And Rochel envied her sister’, is a verse in the Torah!”

What does this mean? Of course it’s a verse in the Torah! He would continue to explain, that no matter how great one becomes, there is no escaping normal human emotions. Even though her envy was spiritual in nature, Rochel still was envious.

We have to keep this in mind at all the time, when we deal with other people. Everybody has emotions and everybody is on a different level on how they control such emotions. Even so, we must do our best to remember this and do deal with other people with their emotional well-being in the forefront of our minds.

This lesson also serves us in a positive light. It is to remind ourselves that WE TOO possess emotions, and it’s normal to do so. While we are obligated to learn to control them and use them appropriately, we must understand that if we DO give into them, it IS normal, and something not to get depressed about. Work on it for the future? Yes. That’s our job in the world. But it’s also important to remember that it’s normal to have them.

Have a great Shabbos!