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| Friday, May 17, 2013 / 8 Sivan 5773 |
Children in Shul
By: Michael Winner
My Rosh Yeshivah spoke this week about how parents receive “Yiddisha Nachas” and “Goyisha Nachas”. When parents put their main pride into their children’s educational accomplishments or professional accomplishments; that’s “Goyisha nachas”. When their main “nachas” is Torah based, it’s “Yiddisha Nachas”.
This week, we had Yiddisha Nachas.
On Shabbos, at the park, a woman was handing out small booklets, each containing five different chapters of Tehillim (Psalms), so if every woman took one, they could complete the entire book together. Naturally my wife took one, and Rochel Leah, after learning what it was, asked if she could have as well. The woman smiled and asked my wife if Rochel Leah was capable. My wife said ‘yes’ and Rochel Leah got to work. She finished everything that she was given and handed back the booklet to the surprised woman, who heaped praises upon my daughter for such an accomplishment for a first-grader.
Happy are we.
“At the entrance of the Mishkan, the Nazir shall shave his head” (Bamidbar 6:18)
In the times of the Beis HaMikdash, one was able to become a Nazir, who amongst other things, refrained from wine, did not cut his hair, and was extra careful in keeping the laws of purity. It was all done to achieve a higher spiritual level. At the end of such a period (he would take it on for a month, for example), he would have to shave his head. Rashi notes that the shaving of the head was done at the ENTERANCE of the Mishkan, but not actually inside it. Why? Because it’s disrespectful to the Mishkan.
From here, says Rav Zilberstein, we learn that doing something disgraceful in a sanctified place, even if it’s a mitzvah, is forbidden by the Torah. From here we can learn certain rules about how we treat our shuls.
Rav Zilberstein noted on the side, that sfardim are very dedicated to the sanctity of their shuls. So much so, even those sfardim, teenagers, who have left Torah, will still always treat the shul with respect. I remember seeing this with my own eyes when living in Yerushaliyim. We lived on a street with a few… well, let’s just say, not the highest caliber of people, who were sfardim. One particular boy always stood out as the head of the pack. Yet, even he, when he would once in a while step into the shul, was a different person.
Rav Zilberstein continues and talks about children in shul. He said that many people incorrectly think that Shabbos is a day when the wife can be “off duty” and the husband can be “on duty” during davening hours. After all, she HAS been with the children all week, she could use the morning off! The husband, who agrees with his wife, then takes all his children to shul with him, where they run around outside, in the halls, in the shul itself, etc…
Now, because I know this is an emotional issue for some parents, I’ll simply quote the rav:
“But what about those children who can behave properly in shul, even at a very young age? We need to understand one thing: Even if a father manages to remain in control of his child, and sees to it that he sits quietly throughout the prayers, his ‘success’ is only in the short term.
The parents may be very surprised to see that when the child gets older, and the father no longer has the ability to control his behavior, the child will not be very inclined to sit quietly in shul. The parents will wonder why their son has lost interest in going to shul, and they will reprimand him for his lack of attendance. They will have no idea that they themselves caused his aversion to going to shul by making him sit in shul quietly at the age of two.
“This is so obvious and simple that I cannot understand why people persist in bringing their young children to shul….
“I am not saying that it is forbidden to bring a three or four year old child to shul EVER. It is a wonderful idea to bring them for the last 10 minutes of davening, so that they can see what davening in shul looks like… during these brief moments, the child will be so fascinated by what he hears and sees that he will not have the urge to run around or make noise…”
Outside of the child’s education, you also have the issue of OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO DAVEN. Every time the child is running in or out, it disturbs other people. To me, that’s “so obvious and simple that I cannot understand why people persist in bring their young children to shul”.
I remember once in Chicago, we were having increasing difficulties with this issue in our shul. I asked and received permission from the rav to put up a humourous sign asking people to at least keep control over their children if they feel a need to bring them. I couldn’t believe the backlash I received. At that time, we were renting space from another shul, and even members from THAT shul, were “insulted”. Somebody my age approached me and gave me the “You Don’t Know What It’s Like To Have Children” lecture, since he had two young children, and I wasn’t married. I held my tongue from giving him the “But I Know What It’s Like To Try To Daven Next To Your Two Children While They’re Making Noise” speech.
However… I am happy to say, that I am a father of four children. And they don’t step foot in shul or near the shul when we daven. On Shabbos days when my four and a half year old behalves well, he gets the HONOUR of going to shul with me in the afternoon to learn together for 7 minutes (his attention span). What’s the result? Instead of treating the shul like a jungle gym, my children have a reverence for it.
Is it easy for the wife? No. But the husband can make it up in different ways. He can daven the earlier minyan and “relieve” his wife when he comes home. He can take the children out in the afternoon, and let her nap. There are many different ideas that can help the wife and maintain the integrity of our children’s’ education and the sanctity of our shuls.
Have a wonderful Shabbos! |
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| Friday, May 10, 2013 / 1 Sivan 5773 |
Private Time with the Torah
By: Michael Winner
On Lag B’Omer, the community had a bonfire at the local boys school. The rav came and spoke, which was followed by music and dancing. At one point, one of the teachers brought out a “person” and threw it in the fire. I’m not sure if that person represented Haman (for whatever reason), Amalek, Yaeir Lapid… or if it was just for fun.
However, after 10 minutes of burning, we (those of non-Israeli persuasion) realized something was amiss. Everything burnt away, with the exception of the “t” shaped blanks of wood. So, here you have evil, woman-hating, flag-burning, tax-evading, draft-dodging, Ultra-Orthodox Jews dancing around a cross… which is still burning.
One of the teacher’s wives, recognizing what was happening, frantically got on the phone with her husband, telling him to at least break the cross down. It certainly wouldn’t look good if the media got a photo of it. :)
Okay, on to Torah!
“And Hashem spoke to Moshe in the Sinai Desert” (Bamidbar 1:1)
The air of Eretz Yisroel is known to “make people wise” (Bava Basra 158b). It is in Eretz Yisroel, where a Jew can maximize his spiritual gains and grow in ways that he could never do outside of the Land. However, we see that Hashem gave the Torah OUTSIDE of Eretz Yisroel, forty years before bringing us in. Would it not have made more sense to give us the Torah INSIDE of Eretz Yisroel where it would have made a bigger “dent” in our souls?
Rav Shimshon Pincus explains that in order to properly acquire the Torah, one must be able to focus on his learning without any distractions. He needs to have time for himself and his Torah. In the desert, there was nothing. We received everything we needed directly from Hashem. There was no need to work or for any other distraction. It was the largest kollel system known to date. Had we gone into Eretz Yisroel, we would have received the Torah there and gone off immediately to work in the fields to support ourselves. Where would the acquisition of Torah come from with such distractions?
When a couple gets married, straight after the chuppah, they go into the cheder hayichud, a room where they can have some private time, before returning to the wedding celebrations. Similarly, during their first week of marriage, they are given the week “off” for some private time.
This is why the Torah was given in the desert before entering Eretz Yisroel. Before entering Eretz Yisroel and being involved in the day-to-day life as a farmer or whatever occupation they might choose, the Jewish nation was given “private time” to spend with the Torah, in order to make a proper acquisition.
What’s the day-to-day lesson from this? Well, one of many is probably how we approach our learning. When we sit down to learn every day, it’s our private time with the Torah. Cell phones should be turned off and other distractions put away. No couple wants to be disturbed by others within their first week of marriage; the Torah doesn’t like it as well.
I remember last year, the kollel made a “no cell phones” rule. I went to the Rosh Kollel and asked him what about our wives? What if they need to get a hold of us? (Remember, this is in Hebrew and he doesn’t speak a word of English). He answered that it’s not a problem, because the kollel has a “beefer” which one kollel member will keep with him in case your wife needs to contact you. I gave him a blank look and asked, “What’s a ‘beefer’?” He gave me a strange look in return, “A beefer? You don’t know what a beefer is? It’s a little box that goes, ‘beef, beef, beef’”. At that point it hit me…. a beeper.
Have a wonderful Shabbos and an inspirational Shavous!
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| Friday, April 26, 2013 / 16 Iyar 5773 |
Seeking a Spiritual Base
By: Michael Winner
One of the joys of living only 25 minutes away from Meron, the burial site of Rebbe Shimon bar Yochai, is that on the Shabbos right before Lag B’Omer, you realize how many friends you have in this world, as everybody calls you up asking if you “want” to have guests for Shabbos. It drives us a little crazy, especially when we receive calls from people, who know people, who know us. Thankfully, we were “reserved” a week beforehand by a couple who we are friends with. He lives in Jerusalem and we’ve been learning every morning on the phone for 5-10 minutes for years. Unfortunately, they have hit some hard times and were told to go to Meron on Lag B’Omer and daven there. So, thankfully, it’s not just a “fun time”, but rather helping people out.
Okay, on to Torah!
“He (the Kohen Gadol) shall not leave the Sanctuary” (Vayikra 21:12)
The Talmud (Brachos 29a) relates that Yochanan HaKohen Gadol served as the Kohen Gadol for 80 years, until he became a Sadducee (group of heretics). The Talmud (Yoma 38b) states that a person who has lived the majority of his life without sinning will sin no more.
Now we seemingly have a contradiction. If Yochanan served as the Kohen Gadol, the highest position (spiritually speaking) a person can serve, for a clear majority of his life; how did he end up becoming a Sedducee?
Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein answers with an analogy:
“Although there are vaccines and vitamins that can prevent a person from becoming ill, when an epidemic strikes and dangerous germs fill the air, even the healthiest individuals and those with the greatest immunity can be infected. The same is true for spiritual maladies. When strong winds of heresy fill the air, as they did in the days of Yochanan Kohen Gadol, even he was not immune.
”In our times, when dangerous spiritual diseases are rampant in the streets, the only way to remain immune is to stay within the walls of the beis medresh/shuls/yeshivas, as much as we can. When we wander outside needlessly, we expose ourselves to these spiritual hazards.”
From here we see the important lesson of spending as much times as possible in places with ENCOURAGE spirituality, than in places that do not (including “neutral” ground), and that we should never rely on our own strength against the yetzer horah.
Have a wonderful Shabbos!
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| Friday, April 19, 2013 / 9 Iyar 5773 |
Cleaning the Table
By: Michael Winner
“And Aaron shall come into the Tent of Meeting” (Vayikra 16:23)
Rashi explains that Aaron, after performing his service, would go back into the Ohel Moed (Tent of Meeting) and retrieve the spoon which he left inside from burning the incense.
The Baal Shem Tov says that from here we see that when a person cleans up the table after serving a Torah Scholar food, that is as part of the mitzvah as much as actually serving him the food.
So too with hachnasos orchim, having guests who are in need of food and/or shelter. Not only is it a mitzvah to serve them food, but it is equally a mitzvah to clean up after them.
Traditionally, Rav Yaakov Kanievsky, otherwise known as the Steipler Gaon, would receive that last aliyah on Simchas Torah. As is custom, he would then host a kiddush held at his house. After the kiddush, the Steipler Gaon, one of the leading rabbis of his generation, would put on an apron and spend the next few hours washing every dish and cleaning every table. “Just because I make a simcha, it doesn’t mean that the household has to suffer”. After cleaning up, he would stay up the entire night to learn to make up for the lost time.
I hope whoever does the dishes in everybody’s home gains extra insight into their holy work
Have a wonderful Shabbos!
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| Friday, April 12, 2013 / 2 Iyar 5773 |
How to be worthy of Shavous
By: Michael Winner
Shortly before his death, David Ben Gurion had a dream where two angels visited him. They told him that he had only a few more days to live and it was up to him where he wanted to go afterwards. Naturally, he had two choices: Heaven or Gehenom.
“Well… can I see them both to get an idea?” asked Ben Gurion.
“Sure, no problem” they responded, and within a flash they were transported to a giant beis medresh, where millions of Torah scholars were learning.
“Who’s that guy in front?” asked Ben Gurion.
“That’s Moshe”, replied the angels.
“Uh-huh… looks pretty boring. What’s Gehenom like?”
Within a flash, they were transported to a beach party, with millions of people playing volleyball, listening to music, surrounded by BBQs with racks full of meat, etc, etc..
“And this is…?”
“Gehenom”, replied the angels.
“Really? WOW! I LOVE it here! THIS is where I want to go when I die!”
After filling out all the appropriate documents, he was returned to this world to live out the next few days.
Shortly after, David Ben Gurion died.
His soul, happy with his choice, was taken down to Gehenom where he was subjected to the most brutal torture that could possibly be afflicted on somebody. He cried out, “WHERE’S THE BEACH PARTY? WHERE’S THE BBQ? WHERE’S ALL THE FUN THAT I SAW ONLY A FEW DAYS AGO!?!?!?”
The angels answered him: “Oh THAT? No, no, no… that’s for when you’re a tourist, NOW you’re an oleh chadash (new immigrant)”
Anybody who’s made aliyah can appreciate this joke.
Just this past week, I was informed that I owe the National Insurance Agency 13,000 shekels. It seems that Betuach Leumi (the national insurance agency) is actually protected BY LAW that they do NOT have to tell you that you owe them any money. In my particular case, I never received anything in the mail from them stating that I had to pay them. I thought that it was coming out of my wife’s pay along with her payment to them. I had no reason to think otherwise.
A few years ago, I heard that this is one of the many scams that Betuach Leumi pulls on people and I really need to look into it. . (Another great thing they do, which we got caught in, is they can take the payments directly from your bank account, automatically. However, they schedule it for the day AFTER the payment is due, and then CHARGE you for late payments). So, I immediately went to the local office and asked them to check my account. “Clear”, they said, I don’t owe them any money. They even gave me a username and password to check my account on-line, which also said I’m clear.
Okay, I guess my wife is covering for both of us, after all.
Then, last week when I went to get a letter from them, they informed me that I owe 7 years of backpay, interest, and a penalty. I told them the situation and even made some phone calls and used some protexia, but to no avail. They’re being “nice” by knocking off the penalty and the interest that has quietly been accumulating against me, but I need to pay off the whole sum. So, I’m hoping they will allow me to pay it off over five years, which will cost me an additional 260 shekels every month.
So typical.
Okay, on to Torah!
From Pesach until Shavous, we “count the Omer”, and prepare ourselves for Shavous. It’s a time for teshuvah and building. With teshuvah and building, comes the danger of slipping, falling, or more seriously depression and/or giving up.
My Rosh Yeshiva spoke about this idea a few weeks ago. He pointed out that as high as 90% of the Jewish people were killed in Egypt during the plague of darkness, because they did not really want to leave Egypt. Only a minority of the nation actually left Egypt and made it to Mount Sinai. Quoting the Medresh, he noted that there were very few differences between the Jews that were killed in the plagues and those that survived to leave. What was the main difference between the two? One had a desire to leave and one didn’t.
This is something that is important to keep in mind during these days. Yes, any time we push ourselves to improve, we will slip or have thoughts of doubts on if we are “worthy” of receiving the Torah. We are reminded about our past sins, some in the far past, some from as recent from today. However, the key to keep in mind is, “I WANT to improve”. If we have that in mind and we seriously believe it, than no matter how many times we fall or how deep we fall, there is ALWAYS hope and you are ALWAYS worthy of receiving the Torah.
Have a great Shabbos!
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| Friday, April 05, 2013 / 25 Nissan 5773 |
Partners in Mitzvos
By: Michael Winner
I hope everybody had an enjoyable Pesach.
Thankfully, the kids took their naps and everybody behaved well at the Seder. Tova ended staying up until 10:30pm, a record for her, and the Rochel Leah and Chaim stayed up until midnight, a record for them as well. What was a nice was Rochel Leah’s ability to read. Because of that, we were able to have her read parts of the Hagaddah, which kept her fully involved with the Seder. Chaim’s timeline of how the Exodus took place needs a little work still, and Tova… well… she repeated words well.
With the kids growing up, it’s hard to predict exactly what the Seder will be like every year. It’s really, “playing it by ear”, since you’re never too sure what they comprehend, what they know, and more importantly, what their behaviour is going to be like. But thankfully, we have had only enjoyable Sedarim over the years, and each one is better than the last.
Okay, on to Torah!
“For Hashem is holy” (Vayikra 11:44)
Rav Shimshon Pincus asks, when we say a bracha on a mitzvah, we say, “asher kedishanu b’mitzvosav…”, “Who sanctified us with His mitzvos”; why do we say HIS mitzvos? Why not OUR mitzvos? After all, WE are the ones doing the physical mitzvos; we are the ones earning the reward, so why is it considered His?
The Medresh quotes a conversation between Hashem and Moshe when Moshe was receiving instructions on how to build the Mishkan. Moshe was worried about all the details and making sure that it’s all done correct, and he asked, “Hashem, How am I supposed to do all of this?” and Hashem replied, “You do what you can do, I will do the rest”
One of the reasons that we were given so many mitzvos to do, is to give us an opportunity, in our lifetimes, to do at least ONE mitzvah correctly as a merit for the next world. That being said, we see the difficulty of doing mitzvos properly 100%, with all the correct intentions and details. However, Hashem is telling us not to get bogged down with that fact. We put in our 100%, and Hashem will “top it off”; so we start with the mitzvah, and Hashem will finish it off for us. Yes, we’ll get the reward, but ultimately, we are always partnered with Hashem in doing the mitzvos.
Have a great Shabbos!
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| Monday, March 25, 2013 / 14 Nissan 5773 |
Days of Rest
By: Michael Winner
Wow... the whirlwind of Pesach...
I'm thankful that we have access to the outside. For years, we lived in apartment buildings, with no access to any gardens. Now, we have a small private garden, which has served as Chametz Central over the past few days, relieving us of too much worry with a Pesach-clean home. Right now, I'm sitting outside with the kids, after burning the chametz, while my wife finishes up the cooking. We're going to start the bath cycle soon, followed by lunch and an obligatory nap for everybody. I'm hoping for a good seder this year.
Okay, on to Torah!
In kiddish on Shabbos and Yom Tov, we say "... Who chose us from all other nations..."
The Bircas Avraham (Rav Avraham Erlinger) asks, why is it only in kiddish and the brachos on the Torah we say every morning, do we mention that we are different from every other nation, while every other bracha we make, we only say, "Who sanctifies us with his mitzvos"?
He answers that there are some things that the Jewish nation and the other nations have in common. We have a "day of rest", they have a day of rest. We have holidays, and they have holidays. But what's the difference?
When Christians, for example, have Sunday, it's a day of rest. Perhaps they go to church for a bit in the morning, but that's about it. The rest of the day is "theirs". On the other hand, we don't have a day of rest; we have Shabbos. It's a day that we use to put "a stop" on life, and to refocus our energies towards Hashem.
When they have their holidays, it's usually a commemoration of something. It's a day on the calander that has no kedusha, holiness, to it. However, for us, we don't "commemorate". We re-live. The day in the Jewish calander has a kedusha to it that no other day has. Pesach night, for example, is a moment of extreme closeness between Hashem and the Jewish nation. It's not a mere commemoration of our exodus, or our freedom, it is a night where we re-live the exodus and the spiritual forces at work are similar, or perhaps even the same, as those at work 3300 years ago.
THAT is the reason for the change in text in our kiddish. Because, we ARE different in how we relate to our "day of rest" and our holidays. For the rest of the world, it's a day off, a day to relax. For us, each Shabbos, each holiday, each Pesach, is a special day full of special kedusha that, if used appropriately, can lift a person to new spiritual heights.
Have a wonderful Pesach!
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