My 10-year-old son promoted me today.
Yesterday, the school took his class and the class above his, on a field trip to the Golan.
Shortly before he was to come back, my wife and I went outside and sat on the bench around 30 meters from the bus stop to discuss an issue that needed discussion.
The bus came and out came a horde of super-hyperactive boys, with the standard yelling and screaming. My son came up to us and was quickly giving us an update on the trip, when suddenly, a man walking his dog came up to us and started yelling at me about the behavior of the kids getting off the bus. I looked at him and said, "I have no idea what's going on over there, and either way, MY son is HERE and not THERE." He did not like that answer and raised his voice even more, astounded that I wouldn't personally take responsibility for other people's children, just because I have a kippa on my head and they have kippas on their heads. Can you imagine if this happened to somebody who was black?
Usually, I don't engage in this. And I certainly wouldn't have if he were Sephardi (because THAT you can't win), but … I don't know … I wasn't in the mood for this nonsense … so I raised MY voice and said, "If I have to take responsibility for other people's children, than YOU have the same responsibility! YOU TAKE CARE OF IT!" It continued to escalate, and all the boys were standing around quietly watching, as we traded barbs.
As a note, many Americans think that just simply yelling will get things to move your way. It's not true. It's an art. Those in the Middle East know how to do it, American's don't. You have to remain calm on the inside, you must raise your voice, but not the pitch, you must cut him off at the right time, and when you're done, you must be able to quickly calm down. I'm still an amateur at it, mainly because I have to constantly think before I speak, since I have to translate in my head. But this time … boy … did it go smoothly. I really gave it to him! And in the end, he left and I turned to my wife and said, "Boy … do I feel better!" and was able to return to our conversation.
My son told me the next morning, "All the boys were talking about how you 'took him down'!"
"Abba," he smiled, "You're no longer an American."
Ah! What a compliment!
This week's parsha, Mishpatim, deals exactly with that subject, mishpatim, monetary laws between man and his fellow.
Unfortunately, many people, and I include the religious world in this, don't really think that monetary matters are Torah matters. Yes, ask anybody who's religious and they will agree with the statement, but in practice, we are very quick to forget about it. Of course, if there is a question about kashrus, Shabbos, raising kids, etc., we will go to a competent rav. But monetary issues? We usually have our "skills," or a good lawyer, or our own "common sense" to deal with it.
Many times, however, "common sense" will often go against halacha. And many times we think that something is clearly forbidden, when in reality, it's not. In Israel, the halacha regarding taxation, according to many opinions, is much different than that of a country like the United States. What might be completely forbidden in the United States, could be completely allowed in Israel.
Another example: In Israel, some of the religious "unofficial, yet official" educational umbrella organizations have been accused of not using extra government funding properly, and the secular papers have had a heyday with it. It should be noted that I am no fan of one of these particular institutions. However, there is room to judge favorably, since many times they are not given the basic amount that the government set aside in the budget for basic needs. So it's possible (and I don't know the whole story, I'm just saying) that they asked rabbanim and were told that it was okay, since they never received the basic funding that is legally due to them.
Another good one, which surprised me, is when I asked the following question: What if somebody is receiving government funds for learning full-time in the yeshiva, and he barely shows up. Is he stealing from the government? The answer? No! The rav explained that, while it's not "yashar" (straight), and obviously should not be done, it's actually the obligation of the head of the kollel who signs the papers to receive the funding. If the head of the kollel knows that this particular person is not showing up, halachically, HE gets in trouble for the misuse of the money, not the person himself. Interesting, no?
Many times we don't even think about issues. What happens if a person decides to build onto his home, and his home is close to his neighbor's home, which might end up blocking sunlight? Can one open a new business where one already exists in a small community? How much time can a worker be on the phone with a personal call while "on the clock"? Can you use tzedakah money to "buy" a seat at shul? Can you use it for educational purposes? Can you use it for medical purposes? What are the priorities regarding tzedakah?
These examples are only drops in the bucket of possible questions. However, it's important to remember that these questions are rarely so straightforward, and these are questions that we rarely give thought to.
The only suggestion that I can give that has helped me identify when something is a question and when it's not, is simply to learn the basic halachos. I don't mean opening a Shulcan Oruch and learning from there. There are plenty of easy-to-read books on the topic that help the reader become more sensitized to the topic in general, so at least they will give some thought the next time a possible issue arises.
With that, I wish you all an amazing Shabbos!